Letter as part of an internet petition resulting from an extremely delayed response to power outage of one million homes in New England of a utility company that clearly does not operate to provide quality and caring service to its customers who, by the way, have no choice but this one electric and gas company.
Dear Representative, I believe the consumer, at the very least, deserves a choice. There is no competition and therefore no incentive for Unitil to work for customer satisfaction (never mind comfort or supplying for basic needs.) The bill is completely unreadable, cost is sky high and, clearly, service is poor, at best. The organization and its owners must operate out of the goodness of their hearts and by the evidence referenced above, there is none. No goodness, no care, no conscience.
Yours in Empathy Today
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Children's Tales
I am reminded of the story of the hen who appeals to her farm mates to help making the bread for supper. Each, aside from her own chicks, declines the invitation until the bread is made. At that point, they enthusiastically ask to enjoy the finished bread and the hen then decides they shouldn't. They didn't help in the making, why should they enjoy the product of her good works.
I identify with that story particularly when it comes to sharing my children with my extended family. Sad, but true, they are quite dysfunctional and I've had a long long road of recovery as a result. By my good fortune and the grace of God, I've been able to-for the most part-overcome much of the dysfunction and partner with my husband to raise a healthy family.
The task is, as most know, a constant work in progress. Raising a family requires that each individual remain humble, forgiving and flexible. Compromise is the center piece, responsibility the cornerstone. Not possible all of the time and every individual fumbles now and then. However, with a stated commitment to each other and love, we work collaboratively always improving the recipe to achieve a healthy family system.
If I were confident that my extended family members were pitching in, maybe introspecting and reflecting on their problems, working toward healthy change for the benefit of others as well as themselves, I think I would feel less guarded when they suggest we all get together. I've learned though. It gives me great sadness to admit that none of my siblings and neither of my parents have taken the same measures toward health. Mind you, I do grieve. The bottom line is getting together with them is not fun for me and I worry about the negative impact they each could have on my children and family as a whole.
Now take the story of Chicken Little, the poor thing. So concerned that the sky was falling, she was not aware of the ill intentions of the sly fox. Anxious and focused on something that would eventually turn out to not be the source of her demise. She spent her entire story frantic, not knowing she was about to become her predator's supper. She is saved in the end thankfully and we think she learned her lesson.
Unable to identify and acknowledge the true source of illness in my family, every visit winds up in an argument or conflict of some kind. Really! Every visit! And, the fights can get really mean and nasty. As with the story of Chicken Little, there is a some what random but misguided grab at blame, pointing fingers at each other and a scramble to be the one to survive by determined self righteousness. Reporting to members who may or may not be involved of the identified problem/source of fear to warn them, like in the story, the Fox may be hidden among the group as a caring and sympathetic listener.
Visits with these people becomes a family mess every single time. Oddly, the moral of the story is never learned.
So, I don't know. I don't want to share my children with them, with the slothful members who make no concerted effort toward family health, with the fox who lingers in the midst waiting for the misguided and trusting prey. I feel protective and worried about the negative impact. It is true that after each visit, there is a recovery period. This a period of which we process, and must reestablish family guidelines and individual boundaries to get back on track. A kind of slowing of sorts.
I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can.....
I identify with that story particularly when it comes to sharing my children with my extended family. Sad, but true, they are quite dysfunctional and I've had a long long road of recovery as a result. By my good fortune and the grace of God, I've been able to-for the most part-overcome much of the dysfunction and partner with my husband to raise a healthy family.
The task is, as most know, a constant work in progress. Raising a family requires that each individual remain humble, forgiving and flexible. Compromise is the center piece, responsibility the cornerstone. Not possible all of the time and every individual fumbles now and then. However, with a stated commitment to each other and love, we work collaboratively always improving the recipe to achieve a healthy family system.
If I were confident that my extended family members were pitching in, maybe introspecting and reflecting on their problems, working toward healthy change for the benefit of others as well as themselves, I think I would feel less guarded when they suggest we all get together. I've learned though. It gives me great sadness to admit that none of my siblings and neither of my parents have taken the same measures toward health. Mind you, I do grieve. The bottom line is getting together with them is not fun for me and I worry about the negative impact they each could have on my children and family as a whole.
Now take the story of Chicken Little, the poor thing. So concerned that the sky was falling, she was not aware of the ill intentions of the sly fox. Anxious and focused on something that would eventually turn out to not be the source of her demise. She spent her entire story frantic, not knowing she was about to become her predator's supper. She is saved in the end thankfully and we think she learned her lesson.
Unable to identify and acknowledge the true source of illness in my family, every visit winds up in an argument or conflict of some kind. Really! Every visit! And, the fights can get really mean and nasty. As with the story of Chicken Little, there is a some what random but misguided grab at blame, pointing fingers at each other and a scramble to be the one to survive by determined self righteousness. Reporting to members who may or may not be involved of the identified problem/source of fear to warn them, like in the story, the Fox may be hidden among the group as a caring and sympathetic listener.
Visits with these people becomes a family mess every single time. Oddly, the moral of the story is never learned.
So, I don't know. I don't want to share my children with them, with the slothful members who make no concerted effort toward family health, with the fox who lingers in the midst waiting for the misguided and trusting prey. I feel protective and worried about the negative impact. It is true that after each visit, there is a recovery period. This a period of which we process, and must reestablish family guidelines and individual boundaries to get back on track. A kind of slowing of sorts.
I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can.....
Sunday, April 6, 2008
If He Were Your Child, What Would You Do?
A parent asked me, "If he were your child, what would you do?"
I said I would wait. There's more that the adults could do before going that route. I said I would change the child's environment and change how the adults interact with the child before attempting to change the chemistry of the child's brain to change their behavior. We were talking about a seven year old child. Seven.
Countless meetings and conversations have occurred on the record or off line about whether to suggest the child's parents take the child to their pediatrician or attending physician and inquire about medication for presumed or suspected mental disorders.
Now, I don't fault people for doing what they believe is right and what is in the best interest of the child. I don't fault parents who work with their medical team to provide for their children the healthiest upbringing they can. In in rare circumstances, such interventions as psychotropic medicines may be necessary. May I, however, emphasize in RARE circumstances.
From my experience of working in public education systems for twelve years, I estimate that in much, much less than one percent of the population (roughly one in 500 or more) are such measures as altering the chemistry of a child's brain truly beneficial to the child and the child alone. Medicating children, in my mind, should come after steps and strategies such as manipulating the teaching environment, molding the way adults interact with the child, family therapy and ongoing consultation, counseling and social skills instruction and classes that teach parenting skills.
Some quick and perhaps not entirely accurate statistics:
• Up to as many as 5 - 10% of students may be diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder with or without hyperactivity. The same source indicates that only half of the children who have symptoms consistent with the criteria of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder will get diagnosed.
• As many as 75% of the students who are diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder with or without hyperactivity will in their adolescence be diagnosed with Major Depression or Bipolar Disorder.
• Stimulant medications work on 75% of the population whether or not the person actually has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
• Major Depressive Disorder is the leading cause of disability in the U.S. for ages 15-44.3
• Major depressive disorder affects approximately 6.7 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.
• The rate of depression among adolescents may be as high as one in eight.
• One study in 2002 found that nearly 14% reported engaging in self-mutilative behavior. That is fourteen out of 100 students reported to cut themselves without the intent to commit suicide.
• Serious emotional disturbances affect 1 in ever 10 young people at any given time.
• Studies indicate that 1 in 5 children and adolescents (20 percent) may have a diagnosable disorder. ONE IN FIVE!
ONE IN FIVE? One in five sounds like a slight and normal variation between human beings on the level of eye and hair color! It doesn't sound abnormal or atypical or out of the norm to me.
In my mind, there are two ways to look at statistics like these. First, we, as a society, are over diagnosing and, subsequently, over prescribing. (Although some report that these percentages and numbers are under estimations of the extent of mental disorders in children.) Second, if this many children are truly ill, what in God’s name are we doing to our children?
In either case, I argue we, adults, need to take two steps. First, we need to assess how we interact with our children in the micro and macro sense. How do we discipline or teach our children? How do we communicate with them day in and day out? What are our expectations for our children? What information are they given or exposed to at what age and is it appropriate given their developmental stage? In indulging in our children, have we bombarded them with too much? Too many toys, too many choices, too much pressure, too many activities, competition and too much information? Are our children overwhelmed?
Second, have we allowed our children the luxury of childhood? Or have we taken it away. How much time in the day do our children actually get to play freely? Engage in imaginary play vs. partake in structured programming in and outside of school? How much quiet and uninterrupted "down" time do our children have in their lives?
My theory. It is, perhaps, an over simplification, I admit. However, I am worried that in effort to contain our children for longer hours in structured programs, we have resorted to medical incarceration. What do I mean by that? In order to be successful in the school environment and learn to read at a rabbit’s pace, in order to stay in the after school program, child care program or day care setting (and not get kicked out) and in order to sit still, listen and cooperate, we've resorted to medication to contain our kids. I know, that's an extreme accusation and it is likely to turn heads. But the bottom line here is two fold: Should we, as a society, first change our children's environments and change how we adults interact with the child, change what we expect of the child given what we know about normal developmental needs of children before attempting to change the naturally occurring chemistry of our children's brains in order to change our children's behavior? Are we instead asking our children to conform to the needs of adults? Shouldn't adults be realizing and conforming to the needs of children?
One brief last story. I was once asked to evaluate a four year old child. The question: Does this child have an emotional disturbance? Bright child but busy, often threw his weight around by throwing marvelous tantrums. Angry tantrums-loud and very verbal. He enjoyed physical activity, playing on the play ground, running, jumping, climbing but was difficult to real in after such activities. He had great difficulty separated from his parents at drop off and often "acted out" when his parents picked him up. During the day care day, he had a hard time sitting still or sticking with one activity at a time and was difficult to redirect. He lashed out at other children and couldn't play cooperatively. He was four.
His parents were in the throws of a divorce, a peaceful one but in process of splitting up and moving to two new and smaller residences. The child had a younger infant sibling. Both parents worked full time, long days, were highly educated and successful. The children subsequently spent much of their time in a day care center. A day care center that was filled to the brim, staffed by, though licensed and well intentioned caring, young adults with little to no knowledge of the development of young children. There's more to the story but I think this will suffice....
He was four. Emotional Disturbance?
If He Were Your Child, What Would You Do?
I said I would wait. There's more that the adults could do before going that route. I said I would change the child's environment and change how the adults interact with the child before attempting to change the chemistry of the child's brain to change their behavior. We were talking about a seven year old child. Seven.
Countless meetings and conversations have occurred on the record or off line about whether to suggest the child's parents take the child to their pediatrician or attending physician and inquire about medication for presumed or suspected mental disorders.
Now, I don't fault people for doing what they believe is right and what is in the best interest of the child. I don't fault parents who work with their medical team to provide for their children the healthiest upbringing they can. In in rare circumstances, such interventions as psychotropic medicines may be necessary. May I, however, emphasize in RARE circumstances.
From my experience of working in public education systems for twelve years, I estimate that in much, much less than one percent of the population (roughly one in 500 or more) are such measures as altering the chemistry of a child's brain truly beneficial to the child and the child alone. Medicating children, in my mind, should come after steps and strategies such as manipulating the teaching environment, molding the way adults interact with the child, family therapy and ongoing consultation, counseling and social skills instruction and classes that teach parenting skills.
Some quick and perhaps not entirely accurate statistics:
• Up to as many as 5 - 10% of students may be diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder with or without hyperactivity. The same source indicates that only half of the children who have symptoms consistent with the criteria of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder will get diagnosed.
• As many as 75% of the students who are diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder with or without hyperactivity will in their adolescence be diagnosed with Major Depression or Bipolar Disorder.
• Stimulant medications work on 75% of the population whether or not the person actually has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
• Major Depressive Disorder is the leading cause of disability in the U.S. for ages 15-44.3
• Major depressive disorder affects approximately 6.7 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.
• The rate of depression among adolescents may be as high as one in eight.
• One study in 2002 found that nearly 14% reported engaging in self-mutilative behavior. That is fourteen out of 100 students reported to cut themselves without the intent to commit suicide.
• Serious emotional disturbances affect 1 in ever 10 young people at any given time.
• Studies indicate that 1 in 5 children and adolescents (20 percent) may have a diagnosable disorder. ONE IN FIVE!
ONE IN FIVE? One in five sounds like a slight and normal variation between human beings on the level of eye and hair color! It doesn't sound abnormal or atypical or out of the norm to me.
In my mind, there are two ways to look at statistics like these. First, we, as a society, are over diagnosing and, subsequently, over prescribing. (Although some report that these percentages and numbers are under estimations of the extent of mental disorders in children.) Second, if this many children are truly ill, what in God’s name are we doing to our children?
In either case, I argue we, adults, need to take two steps. First, we need to assess how we interact with our children in the micro and macro sense. How do we discipline or teach our children? How do we communicate with them day in and day out? What are our expectations for our children? What information are they given or exposed to at what age and is it appropriate given their developmental stage? In indulging in our children, have we bombarded them with too much? Too many toys, too many choices, too much pressure, too many activities, competition and too much information? Are our children overwhelmed?
Second, have we allowed our children the luxury of childhood? Or have we taken it away. How much time in the day do our children actually get to play freely? Engage in imaginary play vs. partake in structured programming in and outside of school? How much quiet and uninterrupted "down" time do our children have in their lives?
My theory. It is, perhaps, an over simplification, I admit. However, I am worried that in effort to contain our children for longer hours in structured programs, we have resorted to medical incarceration. What do I mean by that? In order to be successful in the school environment and learn to read at a rabbit’s pace, in order to stay in the after school program, child care program or day care setting (and not get kicked out) and in order to sit still, listen and cooperate, we've resorted to medication to contain our kids. I know, that's an extreme accusation and it is likely to turn heads. But the bottom line here is two fold: Should we, as a society, first change our children's environments and change how we adults interact with the child, change what we expect of the child given what we know about normal developmental needs of children before attempting to change the naturally occurring chemistry of our children's brains in order to change our children's behavior? Are we instead asking our children to conform to the needs of adults? Shouldn't adults be realizing and conforming to the needs of children?
One brief last story. I was once asked to evaluate a four year old child. The question: Does this child have an emotional disturbance? Bright child but busy, often threw his weight around by throwing marvelous tantrums. Angry tantrums-loud and very verbal. He enjoyed physical activity, playing on the play ground, running, jumping, climbing but was difficult to real in after such activities. He had great difficulty separated from his parents at drop off and often "acted out" when his parents picked him up. During the day care day, he had a hard time sitting still or sticking with one activity at a time and was difficult to redirect. He lashed out at other children and couldn't play cooperatively. He was four.
His parents were in the throws of a divorce, a peaceful one but in process of splitting up and moving to two new and smaller residences. The child had a younger infant sibling. Both parents worked full time, long days, were highly educated and successful. The children subsequently spent much of their time in a day care center. A day care center that was filled to the brim, staffed by, though licensed and well intentioned caring, young adults with little to no knowledge of the development of young children. There's more to the story but I think this will suffice....
He was four. Emotional Disturbance?
If He Were Your Child, What Would You Do?
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Beware the Buyer
I emailed Comcast recently as they ask to hear from their customers and offer on their website several ways to do so. My request was simple, I thought, it was a question really. Why not offer, like in a grocery store, a healthy choice? A package deal of channels that is healthy for people, particularly children. Starting with PBS and other children's stations and offering the customer the option to select what they would like to watch. I thought it kind of like going to the health food section of the grocery store, sometimes the consumer pays a little more for the produce that was grown in accordance with organic standards but may justify that expense by balancing it with the long term health benefits of limiting the accumulation of pesticides in the body's of your loved ones. (Not to mention savings in health care costs.)
Guess what! I received no response from Comcast. Not one. Not a thank you or even an explanation of why the company can not offer healthy TV to their customers.
I am convinced after having had several unfortunate "customer service" experiences with several corporations that there is no such thing. Businesses in this country is not concerned about the consumer and customer satisfaction. Were they ever, really?
I get particularly worked up when it comes to my children. About a month ago I went to a box store with my kids and while I waited in check out I gave them a couple of dollars to go to the snack bar and get a little something to hold them over till we got home for supper. When I met up with them, I was horrified to find that my 9 year old son had purchased a power drink Slushee! Horrified. Did you know that there is a chemical in those drinks that erodes the enamel on teeth? This is not a simple case of brushing off the sugar to prevent bacteria from collecting thus causing cavities. As I understand it, the chemical literally dissolves the enamel like acid. (Unfortunately, I haven't the chemistry background to explain the process scientifically but I encourage you to look it up or ask your dentist.)
In any case, I complained to the attendant who was very clearly clueless. My complaint: That is an adult drink, I said, you wouldn't put beer out there like you put that power drink now would you? The attendant kindly found the manager who then handed me a card informing me I could share my complaint by calling or writing the customer service department.
AHHHHHHH!
To combat this, I try not to buy from the organizations whose customer service is nothing of the sort. Sadly, my list has gotten rather long and, to be honest, my reasons are not only because of vacant customer service. It is the distinct and unmistakable lack of care. And perhaps the people who work for these corporations haven't the option to work elsewhere, I understand being stuck with a job. Maybe they haven't the education or never were informed of healthy choices. So in that sense I don't fault them. It is the lack of care, lack of empathy and lack of kindness. Carelessness, blatant carelessness. I understand mistakes. I do. But, how can one person look at another, listen to another, read another person's words or comments and not be compelled to care?
I argue that caring is not just good business practice. It is the healthier choice for the person who conveys care and the one who receives it (even Disney understands this...Or, at least, I think it does...)
Guess what! I received no response from Comcast. Not one. Not a thank you or even an explanation of why the company can not offer healthy TV to their customers.
I am convinced after having had several unfortunate "customer service" experiences with several corporations that there is no such thing. Businesses in this country is not concerned about the consumer and customer satisfaction. Were they ever, really?
I get particularly worked up when it comes to my children. About a month ago I went to a box store with my kids and while I waited in check out I gave them a couple of dollars to go to the snack bar and get a little something to hold them over till we got home for supper. When I met up with them, I was horrified to find that my 9 year old son had purchased a power drink Slushee! Horrified. Did you know that there is a chemical in those drinks that erodes the enamel on teeth? This is not a simple case of brushing off the sugar to prevent bacteria from collecting thus causing cavities. As I understand it, the chemical literally dissolves the enamel like acid. (Unfortunately, I haven't the chemistry background to explain the process scientifically but I encourage you to look it up or ask your dentist.)
In any case, I complained to the attendant who was very clearly clueless. My complaint: That is an adult drink, I said, you wouldn't put beer out there like you put that power drink now would you? The attendant kindly found the manager who then handed me a card informing me I could share my complaint by calling or writing the customer service department.
AHHHHHHH!
To combat this, I try not to buy from the organizations whose customer service is nothing of the sort. Sadly, my list has gotten rather long and, to be honest, my reasons are not only because of vacant customer service. It is the distinct and unmistakable lack of care. And perhaps the people who work for these corporations haven't the option to work elsewhere, I understand being stuck with a job. Maybe they haven't the education or never were informed of healthy choices. So in that sense I don't fault them. It is the lack of care, lack of empathy and lack of kindness. Carelessness, blatant carelessness. I understand mistakes. I do. But, how can one person look at another, listen to another, read another person's words or comments and not be compelled to care?
I argue that caring is not just good business practice. It is the healthier choice for the person who conveys care and the one who receives it (even Disney understands this...Or, at least, I think it does...)
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Who Has Time?
There's not one person I know who doesn't race through their days. I'm no different. I often feel I am chasing my schedule, perpetually late, squeezing activities in and running from the moment I get up to the moment I crash. In effort to pause, contemplate and breath, I often read a daily devotional or two. This morning's Lenten Devotional from the UCC urges its readers to reflect. The author writes, "How much of what disturbs us is really something we can't accept about ourselves? Think of what makes us angry, impatient, or afraid, or times we don't feel loved and appreciated." (Green, 2008) I ask, how much time to we give ourselves to pause really assess what upsets us and why?
Who has time? Our culture is excessively demanding (if you allow yourself to fall prey to it.) We are constantly bombarded. For example, there are very few public or private places you can where there is no TV. I once stood in line a my local bank with my youngest child (age 6.) There blaring at an unreasonable volume was the news, the worst of its kind. The content was completely inappropriate for my child's ears and eyes.
When it was my turn, I asked the teller to turn off the TV. She replied that no one else had ever complained. Given that reception, I was not at all surprised no one else had ever said anything. But then, was she saying no one else had been bothered by the blaring TV? That perhaps I was out of line or odd? What did that interaction say about me?
My schedule is unreasonable and it is entirely my own doing. I enjoy being involved with community activities and commitments. And, I think it important to give my children any opportunity we can afford to partake in team building, community and enriching activities. So, between the four of us, every day is booked. And when there is an opening, it is filled with all the other important activities to do such as cooking, cleaning, hair cuts, grocery shopping, school projects and so forth. When I'm tiered and needing a break, I try to remember how rich we are, how fortunate, how blessed. I try.
Was I disturbed by that TV because of the content? Or was it the noise it created? Or did it tap into something about myself I cannot accept?
William Green writes, "During Lent we're called to repentance in preparation for the new life we celebrate at Easter. Repentance is not just remorse but acceptance and turning toward the more complete life God makes possible. This begins with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves, all those imperfections that we don't even want to look at. A clenched fist cannot give or receive a gift, and a clenched psyche cannot grow." (i.ucc@ucc.org)
My husband and I agree that the frequency at which we're exposed to the demand of TV viewing is both excessive and exceedingly unhealthy for the psyche. Don't get me wrong. We have one, but only one.
Nearly thirty years ago I read an article, I dare say, in the New York Times about how lonely people in this culture were despite all the ways we have to communicate. At that time the repertoire was limited to TV, telephone and perhaps a few other dinosaurs that at that time were up and coming like the fax machine. The cordless phone was just coming into popularity, if I remember correctly, but only for a select few who could pay top dollar for the not so reliable technology. I believe people are more isolated and lonely in this culture than ever before. Last I heard, depression is on the rise especially in children. Why is that?
Compassion. Compassion for the lonely, the disconnected. Compassion for those who aren't able to see beyond the blaring TV and can't recognize its inappropriateness for the ears and eyes of a young child, for innocence. Compassion for the disconnected, lonely souls who haven't be ability to see beyond the awfulness on the News, its impact and how it separates people from each other. Compassion. Who is innocent?
Who has time?
Who has time? Our culture is excessively demanding (if you allow yourself to fall prey to it.) We are constantly bombarded. For example, there are very few public or private places you can where there is no TV. I once stood in line a my local bank with my youngest child (age 6.) There blaring at an unreasonable volume was the news, the worst of its kind. The content was completely inappropriate for my child's ears and eyes.
When it was my turn, I asked the teller to turn off the TV. She replied that no one else had ever complained. Given that reception, I was not at all surprised no one else had ever said anything. But then, was she saying no one else had been bothered by the blaring TV? That perhaps I was out of line or odd? What did that interaction say about me?
My schedule is unreasonable and it is entirely my own doing. I enjoy being involved with community activities and commitments. And, I think it important to give my children any opportunity we can afford to partake in team building, community and enriching activities. So, between the four of us, every day is booked. And when there is an opening, it is filled with all the other important activities to do such as cooking, cleaning, hair cuts, grocery shopping, school projects and so forth. When I'm tiered and needing a break, I try to remember how rich we are, how fortunate, how blessed. I try.
Was I disturbed by that TV because of the content? Or was it the noise it created? Or did it tap into something about myself I cannot accept?
William Green writes, "During Lent we're called to repentance in preparation for the new life we celebrate at Easter. Repentance is not just remorse but acceptance and turning toward the more complete life God makes possible. This begins with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves, all those imperfections that we don't even want to look at. A clenched fist cannot give or receive a gift, and a clenched psyche cannot grow." (i.ucc@ucc.org)
My husband and I agree that the frequency at which we're exposed to the demand of TV viewing is both excessive and exceedingly unhealthy for the psyche. Don't get me wrong. We have one, but only one.
Nearly thirty years ago I read an article, I dare say, in the New York Times about how lonely people in this culture were despite all the ways we have to communicate. At that time the repertoire was limited to TV, telephone and perhaps a few other dinosaurs that at that time were up and coming like the fax machine. The cordless phone was just coming into popularity, if I remember correctly, but only for a select few who could pay top dollar for the not so reliable technology. I believe people are more isolated and lonely in this culture than ever before. Last I heard, depression is on the rise especially in children. Why is that?
Compassion. Compassion for the lonely, the disconnected. Compassion for those who aren't able to see beyond the blaring TV and can't recognize its inappropriateness for the ears and eyes of a young child, for innocence. Compassion for the disconnected, lonely souls who haven't be ability to see beyond the awfulness on the News, its impact and how it separates people from each other. Compassion. Who is innocent?
Who has time?
Friday, January 11, 2008
Anna Freud
I think one of the most important contributions Anna Freud made to understanding the human condition was defining the defense mechanism of identifying with the aggressor. From what I understand, the most common demonstration of this defense mechanism is seen in children in their efforts to overcome intense fear of someone or something. Soon after a visit to the pediatrician, for example, it is perfectly normal for a young child to pretend to be a doctor in their imaginary play. This, Anna Freud pointed out, allows that child to overcome the fear of a perceived aggressor or threat to their sense of well being, security and, ultimately, their identity.
Question: Could research in this pattern of behavior/identification process help us better understand contemporary social-political-economic thinking?
In other words in some circumstances, could we better understand adult behavior through the concept of "Identifying with the aggressor?"
I have a magnet on the back of my minivan that reads "World Peace" with a dove holding an olive branch below it. I recently had to remove it to wash it off because it had gotten so dirty from the New England winter road splatter. I brought it inside the house, lathered it up with dish soap, working full of care not to scrub off the lettering, rinsed it with warm water and patted it dry. One might describe the action as "lovingly" washing. Anyway, once dry and clean, I returned it to the back of my van after wiping down the spot on which it would stick. World Peace.
I have often wondered how it is that a group of individuals can so easily band their hatred together and think they are perfectly just. How, as a society, can we so easily sit back and accept certain hate crimes, for example, and not rise up in strong opposition? Maybe in our living rooms in the comfort of our homes, yes of course, the correct judgement is made. But how about at the coffee table or during lunch hour? And, what if, it's not as bad as a crime we are speaking of but just someone else's comment, just a little one?
I once saw a picture of an Iraqi boy, age 13, on the cover of "Peace Works" magazine. He had a white flag resting on his chest as he lay dead on the street. Thirteen years old. No visible blood or clear indication of how he died was evident. But he was dead. Naturally my own son came to mind. I became anxious and tearful, worried and angry. I thought about his mom, his dad, his brothers and sisters. I wondered how we could sit back in our living rooms, at coffee hour from the comfort of the US wealth and justify the crime against this child and humanity? What reasoning could possibly make it OK?
Maybe Anna Freud can help us with the analysis.
What do you think?
Question: Could research in this pattern of behavior/identification process help us better understand contemporary social-political-economic thinking?
In other words in some circumstances, could we better understand adult behavior through the concept of "Identifying with the aggressor?"
I have a magnet on the back of my minivan that reads "World Peace" with a dove holding an olive branch below it. I recently had to remove it to wash it off because it had gotten so dirty from the New England winter road splatter. I brought it inside the house, lathered it up with dish soap, working full of care not to scrub off the lettering, rinsed it with warm water and patted it dry. One might describe the action as "lovingly" washing. Anyway, once dry and clean, I returned it to the back of my van after wiping down the spot on which it would stick. World Peace.
I have often wondered how it is that a group of individuals can so easily band their hatred together and think they are perfectly just. How, as a society, can we so easily sit back and accept certain hate crimes, for example, and not rise up in strong opposition? Maybe in our living rooms in the comfort of our homes, yes of course, the correct judgement is made. But how about at the coffee table or during lunch hour? And, what if, it's not as bad as a crime we are speaking of but just someone else's comment, just a little one?
I once saw a picture of an Iraqi boy, age 13, on the cover of "Peace Works" magazine. He had a white flag resting on his chest as he lay dead on the street. Thirteen years old. No visible blood or clear indication of how he died was evident. But he was dead. Naturally my own son came to mind. I became anxious and tearful, worried and angry. I thought about his mom, his dad, his brothers and sisters. I wondered how we could sit back in our living rooms, at coffee hour from the comfort of the US wealth and justify the crime against this child and humanity? What reasoning could possibly make it OK?
Maybe Anna Freud can help us with the analysis.
What do you think?
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Snow
Here is what I remember.
We had just sat down for the meeting, the eighth grade classroom teacher and myself. Others had left to retrieve the remaining members of the team.
The teacher and I began to have idle conversation to warm up before the meeting. We had never met before so we covered some basic topics such as how long we each had been in the system, the weather and so on.
We got to talking about the moment in the middle of that day it had begun to snow. As we all know, this, of course, is not terribly surprising in January in New England. Her students apparently all stopped their work to look at the snow, and she proudly reported to have said to the kids, "Never seen snow?" somewhat sarcastically. After which, she claimed to have briskly and triumphantly directed them back to their seats so she could educate them.
Soon after, we learned the meeting would be postponed, a couple of essential members could not make the meeting. The classroom teacher and I parted company with a good healthy handshake and returned to our duties.
I drove away from the building in the snow, now heavy and wet, thinking and feeling very sad. Asking myself, why is it that our culture can't allow our children to look out the window and marvel at the snow? Marvel at its simplicity, its grace, and the basic beauty of it? Though this teacher and I could fill the time on the very same topic, we can't let our children pause and enjoy a quiet, joyful moment and foster a love of that moment of grace and connect with nature's presence? And, how is it that sarcasm is thought to foster growth and well being, and stopping to marvel does not-where did we get that basic belief and why is it pervasive throughout our thinking, our perception on what is right for kids? And, why didn't I say anything?
Next time will I share such thoughts with the teacher? Or, will I be satisfied to pause with my own children and let them watch the snow?
What about you?
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